REALIZING MY VALUE
In that moment, I felt different. I felt something that had left me for so long come back to me. She said “you didn’t loose him, he lost you” and I knew it was true. My confidence came back and I asked myself a simple question “after the pain you went through last night. A pain caused by someone you have loved so deeply for so long, given so much to, given so much for, is that where you really want to be?” And my honest answer was NO.
I started to see myself for what I really am. A queen. A beautiful, smart, strong woman who knows exactly what she was and wasn’t willing to accept less. I know a lot of people say this in the books but trust me when I say I actually started seeing myself differently.
The pain was still there in my heart. On somedays I felt like screaming, breaking things, just anything to transfer all that anger onto. If I remembered him, I raged. Somedays I still felt like I was going to die or go crazy but one thing was now certain, I was not going back. I was not going to call him to beg. And the difference was that for the first time since I met him I was choosing myself and even with all that pain it still felt good.