Should You Be Her Friend First?

Should You Be Her Friend First?

Should You Be Her Friend First? This is a question every guy should ask himself before jumping into anything a “ship” is attached to.

I have always watched this stereotype in movies while I was growing up. It entailed watching a guy or girl hopelessly in love with their friend and stuck in the friend zone.

With hard work, determination and the occasional confession of love, they find out that the feeling is mutual and upgrade the friendship to the next level.

This stereotype affected me as a young man. I really believed it and expected my “romance story” would start out in this manner.

However, experience thought me this is not always the case. I have found myself in great friendships that tried and failed to become relationships.

I have found myself wondering and asking questions like “why did she not see me this way or that way?” and “why does she prefer him when he does all those things to hurt her?”.

I even remember feeling betrayed when a friend of my entered a relationship. That was when I realized that those feelings attached to liking someone that is just a friend, is a terrible thing. It prevents you from getting the “relationship”. So, I came up with 3 rules to prevent those situations again.

The 3-month rule

This means that when I see a girl I like, I give myself 3 months to discover if she feels the same way. The 3 months starts counting from the first day we speak. This would keep me on my toes and prevent me from settling for the friend zone.

This rule prevents me from investing too much in a girl I don’t stand a chance with. It also helps me allocate my time and resources into the right girls. The truth is that, I was scared of rejection!

Focus rule

I realized that every friendship, relationship and association that consumes resources has a focus. In this “relationship”, both parties have to be clear that no one invests more than is required at any point.

This way of thinking about things lead to a better and healthier relationship because no one would end up feeling rejected or betrayed

The Comfort rule

This rule entails not letting a potential friend that you intend dating get too comfortable with you without adding at least a bit of sexual tension to the friendship. This is essential as it protects you from the dreaded friend zone and you fail at accomplishing this task it has basically decided the fate of the relationship.

In Conclusion these rules helped get a better and healthier love life while adding honesty and clarity to my relationships  it is Good to be friends with the opposite sex but when you want something more why settle for less.




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