Story time: Paynt Draggers & Waste Men #1: A Trip To Abuja

Story time: Paynt Draggers & Waste Men #1: A Trip To Abuja

Hey guys! So I’m going to be sharing stories about experiences with pervert men who I like to describe as “Paynt draggers”. My first story happened because I was too broke/cheap to take a flight. Grab yourself a snack. It’s story time!

On this particular encounter, I joined ABC transport to Abuja for a very important appointment. I did not make plans to spend the night as I was broke at time, so immediately after my appointment, I headed straight to the ABC terminus in Utako for my journey back to Lagos.

Let me backtrack a little. My journey from Lagos was rather… eventful. First, the bus broke down in Oyo. Swell, right? But it gets even more interesting. Now, I never sleep with a bra on. Actually, bras make me super uncomfortable so I take them off every chance I get. The bus was pretty comfortable and also kind of empty, so I had room to get really comfortable. Bra off, I tucked it in the pouch in front of me, threw on a huge sweater, reclined my seat and dozed off. This was all before the bus broke down.

Yes, you guessed it, when the bus broke down, I left my bra in the pouch. What? My sweater was pretty huge and I forgot! Sue me! Fast forward to Abuja, it was really hot and I had to choose between pointy nipples and suffocating in my sweater. I chose pointy nipples. I struggled to cover my chest but at some point I just let go and let God. No one knows me in Abuja, I had nothing to lose. After a successful appointment, I grabbed lunch and then a cab to the ABC bus terminus in Utako, thankful that the day was nearing its end.

After reporting the Lagos-Abuja break down at the terminal, I was shown to the manager who then called me into his office. I noticed that the manager kept looking at me funny. I figured the nipples made him uncomfortable so I explained how I left my bra in their broken down bus. I mean, it was partly his fault. Thinking about it now, he must have expected that I’d be more embarrassed about it and was perhaps surprised at my lack of discomfiture. Whatevs.

Anyways, he got a lot more comfortable after a while and even a little chatty. He talked me out of taking a night bus back and offered to allow me sleep in his office. I took the offer because the man really put fear in me, talking about robbers throwing rocks at the buses at night. I wasn’t about to die in a strange land. Nah g.

Fast forward to me settling in and taking a struggle bath in the office toilet, and also basically flooding the whole place. Stress. Dude made me clean up all the water and then offered to buy me suya which, of course, I turned down. You’ve been kind, sir, now let me sleep. But nope, he kept badgering. I finally agreed to the suya because well, it’s suya and Abuja suya is the shit. So dude – let’s call him Peter or Livinus or whatever I choose as the story unwraps – came back with suya and a bottle of white wine.

At this point, having dealt with a good number of pervy men, I knew something could possibly go down but I let it play out. I mean, he could just be really nice. So we ate suya and drank wine and chitchatted. Not long after, Pious asks if I can dance. If I can dance, sir? Does ABC transport run a strip club? Or a dancing contest? Sir? I tell him I can move a little and he says, “show me.” LOOOOOOOOOOOL not today, Linus. 

But then, I did dance. What? I like dancing. I did all the razzest, unattractive dances I could think of while he played music from his China phone.

Disco sesh was over and he finally let me sleep. I mean, I already had a long ass day but John Bosco thought I could use some exercise apparently.

Anyways, he laid brown carton and a wrapper on the floor in one of the office’s cubicles for me to sleep on – not exactly the kind of opulence I usually require but what can a baby girl do. I settled in as best as I could, knowing very well that I wasn’t going to be sleeping at all. I texted some guy I liked at the time and began telling him about my day. It was some time between texting Mr. love interest and feeling a little sleepy that the day got really interesting…


I heard moaning. A little low, then louder and louder, high pitched like a porn star faking pleasure. It was indeed a porn star faking pleasure. Apparently, Nicodemus was having himself some porn time, and I guess he did not care that I could hear. I was, for the next thirty minutes, confused as hell. Why exactly was kind ol’ Cosmos playing porn so loudly?

The office had at least five separate cubicles that were fenced really low, so you can see into the next cubicle if you stood up. I was lying in the one next to him while he engaged in this indiscriminate pornography viewing. I finally mustered up courage, after whispering with my friend on the phone of course, to challenge this monster of a man.

“What are you doing?”, I said, fearlessly.

I startled him so he jumped. He looked at me as if it was I who was just shamelessly watching pornography. “I’m praying”, he replied, shamelessly.

It took the grace of the lord for me not to burst out laughing. HE SAID HE WAS PRAYING. LMAOOOOOOO. Not faltered, I insisted that he use an earphone to ensure that I’m not bothered by his choice of recreation. Guess what? Maxwell began to yell at me, insisting that I cannot come to his office and tell him how to watch his porn. He did have a valid point so I packed my things and went out to sleep in the terminal’s waiting area.

What was really the point of playing porn loudly while showing “hospitality” to a stranded stranger? Was he hoping I’d get turned on and then join him in his act of sin? Is that how things work with women in his village? I’d never really know. I put him on my long list of Paynt draggers and also in my prayers. May the Lord deliver Pascal from the spirit of iberibe. 



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